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Loose Change

Picture the gang all there sitting at a large conference table in a hidden underground layer somewhere – the men in black, representatives of big oil, the military industrial complex, KBR, and Halliburton, Rupert Murdock, Rummy, Karl Rove, Condi, the Penguin, I mean Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Dr. No, Darth Vader, the stuffed carcass of Richard Nixon, Martha Stewart, Barney the Dinosaur, the Wiggles, Hanna Montana, and at the head of the table, working on his coloring book, our President. Our President looks up after making the bunny a nice shade of brown and says, “Now, I just want to get this straight. We know these Arab guys are going to hijack four airplanes using box cutters. And no one is going to stop them, because you know there is security and the like?”

“Yes, Mr. President,” replies the man in black. “We have men in place to make sure they board the airplane and are not stopped by security.”

“Got it. These evildoers have taken some flying lessons and they are going to fly a jumbo jet, a much bigger plane, going at a tremendous rate of speed, into the side of a building and not miss or clip the side of the structure. Doesn’t that take a lot of skill?”

“Yes, Mr. President.”

Puzzled our leader replies, “I don’t get why.”

“Because Mr. President, we will have the towers ready for a controlled demolition.”

“But doesn’t that kind of thing take weeks to do and they will have to be doing it at night and no one is going to catch them?”

“Yes, Mr. President, none of the workers and security guards are going to spot any of the workers or the planned explosives.”

“Grr…Grr…,’ mutters the Vice-President.

“I agree, Dick. Okay, why not just blow the buildings up and blame a rider truck or something?” asks George.

“Because sir, it will be much more powerful for those airplanes to hit the buildings.”

“Yes, yes, so we got guys in the airports, guys in the buildings, and the third jet is going to fly into the Pentagon?”

“No, sir. It is almost impossible to fly a jet into a building that low to the ground. Instead we will launch a missile at the building to make sure.”

“No one is going to see that missile flying past Washington?’

“Yes, Mr. President.”

“Grr... Grr…”

“You’re right, Dick. So we got the men in the airports, the men in the buildings, the men launching the missiles, and what about the clean up crews? Wouldn’t military guys recognize missile pieces and aren’t fire officials trained to spot things like explosives?”

“They will be in on it.”

“Okay, okay, and the explosives will be detonated at the perfect moment and the missile will arrive at the exact second the plane plows into the ground of the Pentagon.”

“Yes, yes.”

“And no one who is an expert in controlled demolitions who watches the images of the buildings going down are going to rat us out.”

“They are all on the payroll.”

“Right, right, so we are talking about more than a thousand people and none of them are going to talk even though we are going to murder thousands of people?”

“Correct.”

“Now this is the part I don’t understand. This operation will expose our skill and cunning. So, in order to cover our tracks we are going to have screw up everything we put are mitts on for the next eight years? And I am going to have to talk like an idiot every time I am in public?”

“Yes.”

“What do you think, Dick?” asks the President.

“Grrrrrrrrrrrr,” growls the V-P.

“Let’s do it,” says Bush with a smile.

As much as I would like to believe that this administration is filled with evil geniuses, given New Orleans, the invasion of Iraq, the slew of screw ups during the occupation, the inability to run almost every major cabinet department, the economy, the inability to keep torture secret and ease dropping on American citizens a secret, I truly believe that they would screw up a one man parade. Still, even a blind squirrel can find a nut from time to time. What makes you think that these people can keep a secret? Almost every unconstitutional, underhanded thing they have ever done has been brought to the light of day, whether it was altering global warming reports, torturing prisoners, firing federal prosecutors, wiretapping, planting gay reporters in the White House press pool, Dick Cheney’s secret energy task force, or outing a undercover CIA agent. They are a bunch of chatty Cathys. Does anyone really think that they would really be willing to risk going down as the biggest villains in the history of the nation on such a gamble? Well, according to at least one survey, 25 percent of Americans believe 9/11 was an inside job.

9/11 is proof positive that Americans have an extreme predilection to buy into almost any conspiracy. It is one thing to believe in such farfetched conjectures when you live in a world where horse power gets you from place to place, people get most of their news from the old men sitting on the front porch of the general store as they shoo flies away, and people rarely venture more than ten miles from their homes, but we live in a mass media society where the average twelve-year-old can, with a few key strokes, have the whole world at their finger tips. Unlike 40 or 50 years ago with major historic events, future generations were lucky to have it documented with a clumsy television camera, grainy video tape, or some photographer trying to make a living, today every Bubba with the barstool attached to his backside has a cell phone with a camera and a PDA so that he can, within a few seconds, put photos of some drunken coed, three sheets to the wind, proudly showing the bar her mommy parts on his blog, the ramped and willing acceptance of conspiracy theories seems foolish. Yet, with the aid of the internet, they are blossoming like never before. The Illuminati, Masons, or Jews secretly control the world under a New World Order. John Kennedy was killed by the mob, the FBI, Texas oil men, and the military industrial complex. We never landed on the moon. When you look into the sky and see the wide, flat white contrails that jets have left behind, it is really our government poisoning us. AIDS, Ebola, and other viruses are deliberate laboratory creations unleashed on an unsuspecting population. If aliens were really landed on this planet, we would have nice photographs of a space craft or some green alien with a “I came all the way to Earth and all I got is this lousy t-shirt” t-shirt on.

Conspiracy theories are a malfunction of evolution. Our hunter/gatherers ancestries lived in a dangerous world, red in tooth and claw, surrounded by faster and more powerful animals. Other humans might lie just over the hillside waiting to kill them and take what they want. Victims of a Mother Nature they could not understand, storms, lightening, droughts, earthquakes, and diseases. At any moment their whole world could fall apart. I guess kind of like today. In such a world, it is uber-important to believe that there are individuals, gods and forces that are in control, that the world is not constant chaos and change, or you would never get out of bed. The world is a messy, dirty place where things do not add up and it would nice to believe that there are space aliens out there who are brighter than us, or men sitting around a table who are really in control.

Verdict: You’re A Fool If You Believe This Documentary