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Fast & Furious

Vin Diesel, Paul Walker , Michelle Rodriquez

Fast & Furious is like going to the class reunion from hell. All the kids who looked like they were going to make something of themselves have turned into complete losers, but have read one too many Tony Robbins’ books. For those of you not old enough to remember, at one time it looked like the cast from the first film were actually going to be the biggest stars in Hollywood.

Let’s take the way back machine for a moment. Remember when Arnold, Bruce, and Sly were looking to hand off the mantel of muscle-bound action star to the next generation of young actors. The names mentioned most often were Vin Diesel and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Both seemed to have charisma as big as their muscles and the only question seemed to be which one was going to be bigger. Diesel appeared to have the lead into the no-necked bohunk territory. He had shown he could act in smaller films like Awakenings, Boiler Room, and Saving Private Ryan before getting his big break in the sci-fi film Pitch Black as Riddick. Two more action hits quickly followed, the original The Fast and the Furious and what was called the James Bond franchise for next generation, xXx. (Who knew that James Bond for the next generation was James Bond, Daniel Craig?) Vin appeared to have it all going for him – three potential franchises. There was real buzz around a potential Hannibal (not the serial killer or head of the A-Team but the Carthaginian general who gave the Romans such a bad time, the elephant dude) biopic on the horizon. His name was mentioned in connection with almost every superhero franchise in the planning stages (Hellboy, Daredevil, and The Flash to name a few.), and piles of money. The former nightclub bouncer appeared to have it all. Then for some reason everything went south. Contract disputes over money and creative differences caused him to leave two of the franchises, and the other one he had got off the ground, The Chronicles of Riddick, bombed worst than a AA meeting on St. Patrick’s Day. The Tinseltown sword and sandal fad disappeared with box office busts like Troy, The Kingdom, and Alexander the Great, so no Hannibal. Then came a string of bad decisions including doing the awful The Pacifier, which, while it did well at the box office, did not help with his action star credibility. Hence, why he came back to the franchise that made him a household name.

The only thing that has bombed more than Diesel’s career is Michelle Rodriquez. It literally bombed, like in drunk out of her skull. Rodriquez became a star not because she could act, but because she was a hot Latina in an industry craving an appeal to diverse audiences. Numerous times over the last few years she had been named as one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood by various publications as Stuff, Maxim, and FHM. She quickly became the young, low cost, go to actress that producers went to when filling out a cast in films like S.W.A.T., Blue Crush, Resident Evil, and The Fast and the Furious. She was even seriously considered as a replacement for Diesel in the xXx franchise. One little problem is when your career is built on taking the role of the spicy hot tamale that gets the teenage boys all hot and bothered. It might be a bad thing to have all sorts of legal and personal problems and rumors. Labeling yourself a “bad bi-girl” might not work out so well for the career, especially when you get arrested for assaulting your roommate, then get eight misdemeanor charges for hit and run and DUI. A year later more alcohol related problems, this time she pleaded no contest to another DUI, driving with a suspended license, and hit and run. Now everybody can be an idiot, the industry is filled with them and most producers understand that, so she was given a chance to prove that she is not a raging out-of-control booze hound that could put a major production in jeopardy. She was given a role on the hit television show “Lost” as the tough cop, Ana Lucia Cortez. With millions of dollars at stake, one would think a person would stop dancing with Bacchus, or at least get a driver. Rodriquez did not. After getting three speeding tickets (83 mph in a 55 mph zone, 90 mph in a 35 mph zone, and 80 mph in a 50 mph zone) in Hawaii (where filming of the show takes place), she got arrested for DUI on December 1. Blaming allergy-relieving steroids, she choose to spend five days in jail rather than the 240 hours of community service the court asked of her. The producers of the show, knowing a headache when they saw one, wrote her out of the show.

The third member of this legion of failed superstars is Paul Walker, a man whose celebrity I understand the least. He is a modern day “Pat Boone” in the charisma department, so vanilla that he even makes Kevin Costner look like the height of cool. This generation’s Troy Donahue, Walker became a huge star in films such as Varsity blues, She’s All That, Joy Ride, and Into The Blue. When Diesel backed out of doing the second installment of this franchise, Walker was put into the driver’s seat. Then Hollywood realized that no one goes to a Paul Walker film because Paul Walker is the lead in it. Like Diesel, he demanded too much money and walked away from doing a second sequel in the franchise. The rising vanished and then it was working at an IHOP near you. Then, all of a sudden, he got a chance to sign back onto the franchise.

Rounding out the foursome is Jordana Brewster, a former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, who like Rodriquez has made a career out of being hot, dating superstars like Derek Jeter and Mark Wahlberg, and being featured in the PG-13 versions of Playboy like Maxim and Stuff. Like the three other actors, a string of poor movie project decisions, D.E.B.S., Annapolis, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Chuck, and Nearing Grace, have made her about as bankable as a Citibank mortgage backed security.

So, how good is the fourth film in this franchise with four has-beens? It is nowhere near the first film but a lot better than the last two installments. But who really cares? It is a franchise existing on fumes and life support. There is a reason this fourth effort was not released in the summer like the first three were. While I believe that Diesel and the other three stars still have something left to offer, it is not in this movie. CGI has delivered some amazing action sequences but such things can be seen in 50 different movies. What made the original film so successful was that it reintroduced a genre Hollywood had forgotten, the muscle car movie, movies that were the staple of 70s cinema. It was a fresh look for a new generation of viewers. This movie is kind of old and tired, like a high school reunion gone badly.

Verdict: Okay

Back to the streets where it all began, they rejoin Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster) to blast muscle, tuner and exotic cars across Los Angeles and floor through the Mexican desert in the new high-octane action-thriller. When a crime brings them back to L.A., fugitive ex-con Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) reignites his feud with ex Los Angeles Police Department officer Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker). But as they are forced to confront a shared enemy, Dom and Brian must give in to an uncertain new trust if they hope to outmaneuver him. And from convoy heists to precision tunnel crawls across international lines, two men will find the best way to get revenge: push the limits of what's possible behind the wheel and they find themselves in a high-speed adrenaline rush.