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I Love You Phillip Morris

Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor

How much gay sex, is too much gay sex? How much of two Hollywood superstars is too much to see? That is the question many movie executives had after watching I Love You Phillip Morris. (The tobacco company, Philip Morris, has only one “l” in its name.) Ironically, in the heart of Mormon land, Parkville, Utah, at the Sundance Film Festival in 2009, over a year ago, a black comedy starring two of Hollywood’s biggest actors, Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, both have been the leads in some of the biggest box office blockbusters in history, was shown to those that purchase the rights to distribute films, critics and film festival attendees. It was humorous and entertaining, and at times shocking, mouths hanging open like screen doors swinging in the breeze shocking. Still, it was enjoyable, better than 95 percent of cinematic fare. The producers and stars of the $13 million film sat there waiting to make a deal. The producers had dreams of large piles of cash in their hand. Jim Carrey, visions an Oscar for Best Actor dancing in his head. Then nothing. Crickets. The phone did not ring.

It is one thing to distribute a drama about homosexuality like Brokeback Mountain. It is a vanity project, even if the film does not make money, it is more about free press for the studios and taking pride from being honored by your peers. You can sell it to the NPR crowd. With all apologies to Carrey, for the most part, when it comes to honors, comedies are bigger wallflowers than a seventeen year old with excessive nose hair and body odor. I Love You Phillip Morris is filled with numerous references, jokes and depictions of homosexual love. Even though don’t ask, don’t tell, has been overturned, two Norwegian bachelor famers in Iowa no longer have to worry about spending cold winter nights alone, and even the stoic Lutherans said it is okay for a little man-on-man pastoral love. Is mainstream America ready for a gay comedy? Not “we are gay, watch us prance around and be insulting to real gay people” (The Birdcage, “Will and Grace”), but a movie where actual sex is referred to constantly, and not the “we are hot lesbians” kind of comedy. While publically claiming that they passed because of the poor economy, one Hollywood insider admitted, “Mostly straight, multiplex-going audiences don’t want to see a romantic comedy in which two dudes get it on; unless it is meant as a joke. Even Brokeback Mountain, which grossed $83 million domestically, could not come close to the $120 million gross that I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry made in the US.” In other words, Hollywood believes that teenage boys, who are the audience that most of their movies are aimed at, are not going to say to their buddies or date, “I was thinking we could go to a romantic comedy starring Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey. I hear it is like a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan type of film except Meg would have a daddy part. How about dem’ Bears!”

I Love You Phillip Morris is based on the true story of Steven Jay Russell, a man with an I.Q. recorded at 163, but better known as “Houdini” in the US prison system. Russell’s story is fascinating. Four decades back he appeared to be just another conservative family man who enjoyed his job as a deputy police officer. Yet, he was living a lie. He was gay. While working for the cops, he searched for his birth mother using every tool available to him as a law enforcement official. These tools became extremely handy when it came to his future endeavors as a con artist. Rebuffed by his biological mother and having suffered an auto accident, Steven decided to live as an openly gay gentleman. One little problem with being flamboyantly gay, it is expensive. He conned his way into an executive job with White Swan, a foodservice company. Fired for his same sex lifestyle, he quickly hooked on with two other companies before his resume was found to be phony. Still, a law-abiding citizen, his record in the criminal justice system began when he was arrested for lewd behavior in a Houston park, a renowned gathering spot for homosexual men.

Just like his previous life as a loving family man was an act, his whole life became a performance. Over the next two decades he assumed various aliases and identities, often stealing from the companies he worked for to maintain his lifestyle. The first time law enforcement realized that they were not dealing with your run of the mill minor criminal was in 1993, when North American Medical Management, from whom he had embezzled thousands of dollars as the CFO, decided to press charges. He found himself in the same cell two years later, this time for insurance fraud. Sitting in the Harris County jail, the middle-aged man met Phillip Morris, the man who he considered his soul mate. Wanting to be with his lover who had been released, Steven made his first jail break, pretending to be a judge, he ordered that the bond be reduced from $900,000 to $45,000, which he could easily come up with the bail for. The scam was quickly discovered and Russell was arrested in Florida ten days later. Back in jail, he took up art classes. Unknown to the teacher, he was smuggling green magic markers back to his cell. When he had enough, he dyed his white uniform green, the same color as the medical personal at the jail. Then he simply walked out the front door!

Two years later, he was back in the jail serving a 45 year sentence for pocketing $800,000 from a firm that managed physicians’ finances. Twenty years extra was tacked on for his previous escape. But you cannot keep a great con artist down, pretending to be a lawyer, he got Phillip transferred to the nearby Dallas County Jail and even visited him in his cell. Then Russell performed his most ambitious escape. He pretended to have AIDS by ingesting the drug laxativesto, mimicking symptoms, and even forging a document that detailed his “condition.” Pleading a medical hardship, he was paroled to a Houston hospital. He then simply walked away from the hospital by forging a death certificate so that authorities believed he was dead. A few months later he was arrested again, this time for tying to con an east coast millionaire out of $75,000 from the NationsBank. His bag of tricks was not empty yet. Steven faked a heart attack and even though he was under guard of the FBI, he called the agent in charge and told him that a mistake had been made and the con artist was no longer wanted. Free, he was quickly captured again as he was walking to his car. Steven is currently serving a 144-year sentence, or he might be reading this review, pleased that he has fooled the police again.

My advice is simple. In order to get a distribution deal, much of the homosexual activities and jokes were left on the cutting room floor after it was screened at Sundance. In turn, it might be best to wait until the director’s cut appears on DVD. The true depth of the black humor has been lost in the edits. Maybe some day, openly homosexual romantic comedies can be shown at the local Cineplex. The edited version is good but not as good as the cut shown in Utah. Still, inch by inch, small gain by small gain, the ghetto of homosexual culture is breaking down. I just want everyone to know that I love you Phillip Morris is OK, but not this version.

Verdict: Wait Until The Director’s Cut DVD