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Piranha 3-D

Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames

“In science-fiction films, the monster should always be bigger than the leading lady.” – Roger Corman

An elderly director and producer, Roger Corman, agreed to do a cameo in The Howling, directed by one of his former protégés, Joe Dante. The scene was simple, just a chance for grind house cinema fans to geek out when they recognized the man who was behind more than 500 films, including Little Shop of Horrors, Boxcar Bertha, Death Race 200, The Wild Angels, Big Bad Mama, Caged Heat, Candy Stripe Nurses, The Trip and the original Fantastic Four (1994). Nicknamed the “King of the Bs” Corman had an amazing eye for talent, discovering such talented directors like Martin Scorsese, Peter Bogdanovich, Jonathan Demme, James Cameron, Ron Howard, John Sayles and Francis Ford Coppola just to name a few. Actors like Peter Fonda, Dennis Hooper, David Carradine, Robert De Niro, Bruce Dern, Talia Shire, and Jack Nicholson, cut their teeth under Corman. He was known for pinching pennies, to the point that Jack Benny would have been proud. In one famous instance, he had printed only one copy of the script, which the entire cast had to share. As an ironic homage, Dante forced Corman to, instead of fishing a coin out of his pocket, place his finger in the return coin slot to search for change.

Yet, there was a method to Corman’s madness. He is the only person in the history of Hollywood to truthfully write an autobiography entitled How I Made a Hundred Movies in Hollywood and Never Lost a Dime. Very few director or producers who made even ten films can say the same thing. Roger Corman’s methods should be studied in business schools. He borrowed sets and costumes, sometimes sneaking onto various studio lots to use their soundstages and tried to never spend more than two weeks filming, even turning one of his films in less than two days. Corman also knew what people wanted to see – blood, violence and boobs, but more importantly people just wanted to have a fun time when they went to the theater.

In 1975, Jaws made people scared to go into the water. It was the first summer blockbuster. Corman knew it was time to lighten things up, so a parody was called for. Three years later, Piranha was born, penned by John Sayles. Belinda Balaski (Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw, The Howling), Janie Squire (Cheerleaders’ Wild Weekend), and Heather Menzies (although she was so uncomfortable with the nudity that they got the waitress from the local hotel to be her body double) were there for the skin. The real stars were the special effects, by Rob Bottin and Phil Tippett. Giant genetically altered piranhas, it was pure campy fun. Universal Studios, the company that put out Jaws, was so outraged they wanted to sue. Steven Spielberg, who got his hands on a copy of it, understood exactly what it was and talked the studio out of it because he enjoyed it so much. The film was such a success with audiences there was a sequel, Piranha II: The Spawning, and a 1995 made for television remake. (In typical Corman fashion, he took a lot of stock footage from the 1978 film and spliced it into the final product to save on costs.) It has inspired dozens of future SyFy Original movies and B films like Orca, Great White, Grizzly, Monster Shark and Tentacles. None had the same charm as the Corman classic.

Hollywood has learned something from the Internet: being a nerd is now cool and people want the fun of exploitation cinema. In 2006, geeks across the world grabbed their inhalers and were all a twitter about the possibilities of Samuel L. Jackson’s Snakes on a Plane. Hyped as the second coming of Corman, the kids, okay, 30-year-olds living in their mother’s basement, wanted their schlock. There were reports of audiences shouting at the screen, applauding and cheering as Samuel L. Jackson dispatched snake after snake. Pure joy. And it made over $60 million at the box office. Good, but not great.

Piranha 3-D is a major studio’s second attempt to take a bite out of that apple. Some big name actors are onboard including Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Jerry O’Connell, Eli Roth, and Richard Dreyfuss, giving a wink and nod to the role that made him famous. Most of the cast is made up of good looking, young, dumb actors and actresses. Again, the special effects are the real stars, with the prehistoric, giant, CGIed piranhas. Shot in Lake Havasu, Arizona, it had a huge Hollywood feature budget. If Corman was dead, he would have rolled over in his grave. At one point they blocked off over half the lake for filming. French director Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes) oversaw production.

The plot, like it matters, is that an underwater tremor, due to a volcanic eruption, lets loose a school of blood thirsty, huge, razor-toothed piranhas through a crack in the lake bed in fictional Lake Victoria. Let the bodies hit the floor. Sheriff Julie Forester (Shue) must save the town before another resident becomes a pig in a blanket snack for these savage fish. Ummm… don’t go in the water. It is a lake. The fish are not going anywhere. Just a suggestion. Of course, she cannot do this because it is 4^th of July weekend and there are 50,000 wild partiers, and more importantly, hot chicks in bikinis. There are porn stars, drunken idiots, local characters, and millions of these future fish sticks. How will the Sheriff stop them? More importantly, can prehistoric creatures digest silicone breast implants, or will the plastic get stuck in their throats?

It is what it is. Logic and common sense be damned. This is a total popcorn flick and the studio knows it. Even the 3-D technology is used to enhance the campiness. Although more of a horror film and less of a comedy than the 1978 film, it is an enjoyable B film with an A+ budget. Still, did it merit a remake? Probably not. The schlock mentality that made the original so fun, is missing. Like most remakes, it is a pale shadow of the work that inspired it. I wish they would have just called it something else so it could rise and fall on its own merits instead of harkening back to the Corman classic. Should you see it? If you see the following when you go outside: on your left a really hot chick, on your right the Adam West Batmobile, and you turn right without thinking, this film is for you. It is a campy SyFy movie with blood, grossness, and nudity painted on it like whitewash on Tom Sawyer’s fence.

Still, Piranha 3-D failed to learn the Roger Corman lesson. There is an audience for these films, but it is not as large as those with a blockbuster mentality would think. In order to make a profit, costs must be controlled. Corman is the only director in the history of industry to turn down a production because the budget was too high and he knew the film would not make a profit. As long as a film contained thrills, humor, chases, blood, and breasts, there was an audience; you just had to recognize that it was not a huge market. Corman liked to claim he never lost money on a film, in 1962, he cast an unknown William Shatner as a Northern racist who goes into the Deep South to incite violent resistance to school integration in The Intruder. Controversial, he barely made it through the ten day shooting schedule before Southern law enforcement kicked the crew out of the town. Openly political, it was a huge financial flop. What is a man like Corman do? He retitled it I Hate Your Guts! and re-released it. The film became a moderate success. Always know your audience.

Verdict: Okay