Jason’s Column
A Public Service Message From Matt and Dee   Matt: Hi everybody. I’m Matt. Dee: And I’m Dee. M: We’d just like to remind you that election season is coming up, so be sure to get out there and vote and to turn out for your primary or caucus. D: ‘Cause if you don’t, Lucifer wins. M: What are you talking about? Lucifer doesn’t win if they don’t vote. D: He’s not running this year? M: Not to my knowledge. D: You wouldn’t know it the way the political ads are talking. Which party is he in, anyway? M: Both? D: I bet he’s a Libertarian. M: …I know I’m going to regret this, but why’s that? D: Y’know, the whole “Do as thou wilt” thing. Isn’t that what Libertarians are about? M: Not quite. And I think that was the Marquis de Sade. D: Is he running this year? M: He’s dead. And French. So I’m guessing no. D: That didn’t stop Bob Dole. M: Bob Dole isn’t dead, and I’m pretty sure he isn’t French. D: Is he undead? Guy looks like the Skeleton King. M: You’d have to ask him. Can we get back to voting? D: Sure. Who are you voting for? M: That’s not important. We’re trying to get everybody else to vote. D: Well, maybe letting people know who you’re voting for will help. I’ll tell you who I’m gonna vote for if you tell me who you are. M: I already know that you’re voting for Bernie Sanders, Dee. Your car is covered in bumper             stickers for him. D: Those are just there to hold it together. They do a good job of reinforcing the duct tape. M: Then who are you voting for? D: Donald Trump. M: Why are you voting for him? He’s like Hitler with worse hair. D: He just seems so lonely. I mean, he’s even trying to get the KKK to give him support. How desperate for attention do you have to be to do that? M: Says the guy who ran naked through the halls of one of the female only dorms. D: I was visiting someone and had to leave fast. Someone whose boyfriend made a surprise visit. M: Then why were you yelling, “Wheee,” as you ran? D: Witnesses in case he caught me. M: Yeah, the police appreciated that, if I remember right. D: Until they tried to get a description of my face. M: Anyway, I don’t think you should vote for Trump, but I guess it’s your right. D: So who are you voting for? M: I don’t have to tell you. They put you in a booth for a reason. D: Quarantine? M: Quar… They let you out, Dee. D: Maybe they’re trying to keep the bad memes in. Y’know, containment. M: That’s not how that works. D: What, you suddenly work for the CMC? M: You think there’s a Center for Meme Control, don’t you. D: Well, yeah. Memes aren’t really diseases, they’re mental things, so the CDC wouldn’t have anything to do with them. Maybe the American Psychological Association? M: Memes don’t have anything to do with voting, Dee. D: Isn’t an election just voting for the person with the best meme? M: …I hate it when you do that. D: Do what? M: Exactly. Tell the folks to vote, Dee. D: I’m not running for president. I’m not old enough. And I don’t have nearly the name- recognition that Lucifer does. M: Go out and caucus or vote in your primary, folks. I need a drink. D: Where are you going? M: The Corner Bar. D: But I’m banned from there after the pickled egg thing. M: I know 
Jason’s Column
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Matt: Hi everybody. I’m Matt. Dee: And I’m Dee. M: We’d just like to remind you that election season is coming up, so be sure to get out there and vote and to turn out for your primary or caucus. D: ‘Cause if you don’t, Lucifer wins. M: What are you talking about? Lucifer doesn’t win if they don’t vote. D: He’s not running this year? M: Not to my knowledge. D: You wouldn’t know it the way the political ads are talking. Which party is he in, anyway? M: Both? D: I bet he’s a Libertarian. M: …I know I’m going to regret this, but why’s that? D: Y’know, the whole “Do as thou wilt” thing. Isn’t that what Libertarians are about? M: Not quite. And I think that was the Marquis de Sade. D: Is he running this year? M: He’s dead. And French. So I’m guessing no. D: That didn’t stop Bob Dole. M: Bob Dole isn’t dead, and I’m pretty sure he isn’t French. D: Is he undead? Guy looks like the Skeleton King. M: You’d have to ask him. Can we get back to voting? D: Sure. Who are you voting for? M: That’s not important. We’re trying to get everybody else to vote. D: Well, maybe letting people know who you’re voting for will help. I’ll tell you who I’m gonna vote for if you tell me who you are. M: I already know that you’re voting for Bernie Sanders, Dee. Your car is covered in bumper             stickers for him. D: Those are just there to hold it together. They do a good job of reinforcing the duct tape. M: Then who are you voting for? D: Donald Trump. M: Why are you voting for him? He’s like Hitler with worse hair. D: He just seems so lonely. I mean, he’s even trying to get the KKK to give him support. How desperate for attention do you have to be to do that? M: Says the guy who ran naked through the halls of one of the female only dorms. D: I was visiting someone and had to leave fast. Someone whose boyfriend made a surprise visit. M: Then why were you yelling, “Wheee,” as you ran? D: Witnesses in case he caught me. M: Yeah, the police appreciated that, if I remember right. D: Until they tried to get a description of my face. M: Anyway, I don’t think you should vote for Trump, but I guess it’s your right. D: So who are you voting for? M: I don’t have to tell you. They put you in a booth for a reason. D: Quarantine? M: Quar… They let you out, Dee. D: Maybe they’re trying to keep the bad memes in. Y’know, containment. M: That’s not how that works. D: What, you suddenly work for the CMC? M: You think there’s a Center for Meme Control, don’t you. D: Well, yeah. Memes aren’t really diseases, they’re mental things, so the CDC wouldn’t have anything to do with them. Maybe the American Psychological Association? M: Memes don’t have anything to do with voting, Dee. D: Isn’t an election just voting for the person with the best meme? M: …I hate it when you do that. D: Do what? M: Exactly. Tell the folks to vote, Dee. D: I’m not running for president. I’m not old enough. And I don’t have nearly the name- recognition that Lucifer does. M: Go out and caucus or vote in your primary, folks. I need a drink. D: Where are you going? M: The Corner Bar. D: But I’m banned from there after the pickled egg thing. M: I know
A Public Service Message From Matt & Dee